Every Now And Duyen I Fall Apart

“If you wrote this in a script and tried to sell it to a group of Hollywood producers, they would turn you away because no one would believe it could happen.” –Joe Buck

How many times have you watched the end of a sporting event and heard an announcer make some version of the previous statement. It’s a cliché used so often that it’s clearly not true. Well right now I know how the announcers feel. I have to document the undocumentable and write a you can’t make this stuff up kind of story. I’ll do my best.

Two hundred and fifty thousand years ago, somewhere not too far off the coast of Madagascar, a butterfly probably flapped its wings. At that moment, the world’s rotation was ever so slightly skewed, and the future of mankind was permanently altered. If only that butterfly could have flown into our private room at a Vietnamese karaoke bar last night to see Steve and Jeff alternating between the male and female verses of Summer Nights while a group of Vietnamese university students tapped their feet and waved their arms in unison. How did we get here???

You must remember that on our first day in Hanoi we registered for a tour service called Hanoi Free Tour Guides. We had such a great time with our guide Duyen (Z) that she invited us to go out with her and a group of friends last night. At 5:00pm we took a short cab ride to meet Z outside of her university’s gates, where she greeted us with a group of 10 friends. In Vietnam the days start and end much earlier, so this was a normal time to go out. Z led us next door to a karaoke bar, and I ran down the block to buy some water. When I returned about 5 minutes later, everyone had disappeared except Steve, who was waiting for me outside of the bar.

“I came outside because otherwise there was no way you would find us. I can't wait for your reaction when you see this room”

I guess I have never actually been to a karaoke bar in America, but I imagine it to look like any other bar, except with a karaoke machine in the front, maybe sitting next to a small stage. To picture a karaoke bar in Vietnam, think about the private room you used to serve cake when you had your 2nd grade birthday party at the Discovery Zone. Or just look at the photo.

When we sat down, a waiter delivered song request forms. Almost every American song was listed as Artist Unknown because as Z’s friend informed us, “we just don’t know.” It would be too difficult to pick out the best moments of the night, but highlights included Steve trying to sing songs in a language he can neither speak nor read, Jeff and Z’s inspiring performance of Britney Spears’ “Oops! I did it again,” and a heartwarming rendition of “We Are the World.” The latter was actually pretty cool, when you consider that when our parents were our age, the Vietnam War had just ended, and the idea of American and Vietnamese youth singing together in a karaoke bar was (even more) unthinkable.

After eating an obscene amount of potato chips and outdrinking our counterparts by a margin of about 7 to 1, we went with Z and her roommate to grab some Pho and wrapped up the evening by 9pm. Z’s friends were hospitable, friendly, and fun, and we thank them for our most memorable night of the trip thus far

We have encountered many great people on this trip. Before meeting Z, we spent the day with Zach, who we had met on our Ha Long Bay cruise. Zach has lived in Beijing since graduating college and is preparing to return to America for law school in the fall. With him, we toured the Hanoi Hilton and ate an enormous lunch, before parting ways so that we could travel outside of Hanoi for a tour of the snake village.

Either the snake village was inspired by a low budget 1970s horror film, or a low budget 1970s horror film was inspired by the snake village. It’s a classic chicken-egg argument. Either way, this place was CREEPY. Before traveling to Hanoi, I had read about a local drink made of snake bile, snake blood, and a still-beating snake heart. Steve really wanted to find this beverage, so after asking around, we were pointed to a remote waterfront village on the outskirts of Hanoi where snake serves as the only food, garment, and currency. Just kidding about garment and currency. Anyway, with the Jaws soundtrack playing softly in the background, we drove down the highway, over a bridge, through a maze of alleyways, and pulled to a stop at a floating restaurant.

A hostess greeted us at the entrance and pointed us to a cage of slithering snakes, adjacent to some of the most pathetic looking ducks and hedgehogs you’ll ever lay your eyes on. The poor things knew they were someone’s dinner. We seriously contemplated ordering a snake, but we had just eaten lunch and the price of bile drink and grilled snake was just high enough… okay we chickened out. But we did watch a snake get brutally murdered. A butcher grabbed a feisty snake out of its cage, mouth wide open and fangs flashing, and we scattered 30 feet in about 6 different directions (our taxi driver ran too). The butcher took the snake into a small room and bashed its head into the concrete, killing it instantly, then sliced it open with a knife to rip out its insides. #thingsthatdonthappeninamerica. After the villagers realized we wouldn’t be ordering, they sent us on our way back to Hanoi. We were just happy to make it out alive. What a day.

Right now we are sitting in the Hanoi airport awaiting our flight to Siem Reap and ready to begin our four day tour of Cambodia. Thank you for reading and let us know.