How 'Bout That Ride In?

We spent many long nights planning this trip together. Our journey was built from scratch, so we were responsible for arranging every flight, hotel, and tour. Over the course of our planning process not everything was easy to figure out, and we did not agree on every plan, but the most contentious of all issues was our means of travel from Siem Reap to Bangkok. We ultimately decided in favor of a bus ride.

The drive from Siem Reap to Bangkok is long. But it’s not the length of the bus trip that concerned us. We flew 16 hours to Hong Kong, so we can handle a long bus ride. The issue with this bus ride is that it’s indefinitely long. As in anywhere from 5 to 12 hours. The roads are not well kept, and traffic flows in six directions, but the real kicker is getting through customs at the Thai border. Our research told us that crossing the border could take anywhere from 5 minutes to 4 hours, depending on factors ranging from the volume of passer-throughs to the mood of the Thai customs officials.

Thankfully, we were in great hands with our guide Mr. T for the entirety of our stay in Cambodia. T and his driver were with us nearly every hour of the day. They accompanied us to every site and meal, and recommended what we do in the night time. So when Mr. T told us that he had arranged for our transportation to Bangkok, we were relieved of our worries. When he told us that our bus would have air conditioning and TV’s, you could even say we were excited.

On our last morning in Siem Reap, we visited a house with a crocodile pit in the backyard, took a boat ride down Tonle Sap Lake and rode horses through the rice fields of the countryside, before hurrying back to the hotel to shower, pack, and board the bus (all before noon!).

No safety rails.

T dropped us at the transit stop and helped us board a small, dingy “shuttle bus,” which was to take us to our glorious Korean TV bus. T told us that the Korean bus would take us on a two-hour ride to the Thai border where we would switch to a different bus with the rest of the passengers. We were all full of that child-like curious energy you rarely get to experience as an adult. Would the bus’s HDTVs have satellite reception? If there’s WiFi, will they give us the password? Surely the seats recline into beds, but will there be masseuses?

As the shuttle bus drove around to pick up the other passengers and the stack of bags next to Steve’s feet grew taller, our worries grew as well. Mostly because this was just like our shuttle bus to Ha Long Bay earlier in the week, only the exact opposite. That bus stopped at some of the most luxurious hotels in Hanoi. I’m pretty sure that the South African family who hopped on board had royal bloodlines. The only South Africans on this bus were stoned out of their minds and smelled like they hadn’t showered since last Wednesday. Their filthy backpacks crushed our luggage, shattering my six new pairs of fake Ray Bans.

*In Bangkok we saw these guys in our hotel lobby, then they ate dinner three tables from us in the same restaurant, then the next morning they walked into our hotel as we walked out. Same clothes every time.

And then a funny thing happened. That dingy shuttle bus never took us to Disneyland. This was our ride. No TV’s or masseuses. My excitement turned to feelings of anger, so I channeled those feelings into sarcasm and began writing this blog. At this point I was only curious about things like, “Is this bag going to tumble down and kill me while I am sleeping? And, “Can a bus give me HIV?” Never mind that this van had just 16 seats, all 20 of us squeezed together and made way for the Thai border. We did not hold hands and sing We Are the World.

An hour into the ride, after Steve and Jeff fell asleep facing each other with their heads six inches apart, the two French ladies to my right shrieked in horror. Apparently there was a mouse (Mickey?) on board. When we stopped for a bathroom break ten minutes shy of the Thai border, a tattooed man who looked like a cross between Jeff Bridges in True Grit and Jeff Bridges in Crazy Heart told the bus driver “here is good,” grabbed his belongings and disappeared into the countryside. He was wearing a cowboy hat, sunglasses, and a washed out pair of jean shorts and hadn’t said a word the entire trip. I just hope that whatever criminal charges he was fleeing were not of the violent nature.

When we arrived at the border we were pretty confused, but followed what seemed to be the natural flow of things. It only took about 20 minutes to cross into Thailand, where, as promised, a man was waiting to receive us and the rest of the passengers from the first bus ride. After waiting for 20 minutes, we packed our bags into the back of a pickup truck and headed down the road to meet our next bus. Steve, Jeff, and I sat in the bed of the truck. We stopped at a restaurant, where a dispatcher greeted us and sent off the first dozen passengers in a luxurious van. The dispatcher told us that we would have to wait for the last two passengers to arrive, but would leave in 30 minutes.

Unbeknownst to the dispathcher, one of the other passengers we were waiting on was stuck in customs because she did not have a visa to cross into Thailand. Jeff and I grew impatient trying to explain the situation, and our interaction with the dispatcher went something like this:

Us: “Sir, we were right in front of her in line. She can’t get across without a visa. The other group left already. First you told us to we’d leave in 30 minutes, now it’s been almost an hour. How long are you planning to wait?”

Dispatcher: (Brandishing gun) “Everything okay friend. We wait, we wait. She pay too, we not leave her behind.”

Us: “Whoa, whoa!”

Dispatcher: “Ohh, this is toy.” (knocks on gun, showing that it’s made of plastic).

At 5:15pm, a van finally pulled up to take us to Bangkok. Instead of the couple we had been waiting for, four random Thai girls piled into the back row of seats to fill out our travel party. This van was actually pretty comfortable, but the driver was insane. Steve sat shotgun and saw the speedometer top out at 145km/hr (90mph, I looked it up). We felt like we were on a rollercoaster. I expected a flashing sign reading New Record to pop out. (Heeeeere weeeee goooo, its craaaaaaazy taxi!) But we survived the five hour drive and checked into our hotel at 10:15 p.m., 11 hours after our departure.

The problems that we had with our Bangkok hotel went way beyond standard language barrier issues. I could write a long-winded explanation but I worry it would come off as spiteful or whiny and that's not what this space is for. That's why we have TripAdvisor. Just don't stay at the Dang Derm Inn on Khaosan Road and we’ll call it even.

Yesterday we spent 4 hours with our guy Raj at R+R Apparel picking out custom suits and learning about the fabric industry. The experience was a lot of fun, and if the suits look good we’ll each be able to say “I have a suit guy.”

Last night was pretty low key, we just ordered virgin daquiris and watched a movie in our hotel room. Steve drank two! The sugar influx really had him bouncing off the walls. Just kidding, but what happens in Bangkok...

After a sound night’s sleep (about 20 minutes), we left our hotel at 4:30am to fly to the beautiful island of Koh Samui for a vacation from our vacation. The cab ride to the Bangkok airport took 45 minutes, the flight to Surat Thani took an hour, the cab ride to the Surat Thani ferry took 45 minutes, the ferry to Koh Samui took another hour, and we arrived at our hotel around noon. That might not add up to 7 and a half hours of travel but I would not know which part to adjust because we literally slept the entire way.

The beaches here are incredible so it was well worth the journey. Stay tuned for updates.

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